Teaching Waiting — Building Patience, One Moment at a Time
Waiting is one of the hardest skills for any child to master — especially for those with autism or developmental delays. Yet it’s one of the most crucial life skills. Whether standing in line, waiting for a turn on the slide, or staying calm until dinner is ready, patience is key to independence, flexibility, and social harmony.
In ABA therapy, teaching waiting is more than telling a child to “just wait.” It’s a carefully structured process that builds tolerance over time — and one that parents can support at home too.
Why Is Waiting So Difficult?
Children with autism often experience challenges with impulse control, delayed gratification, and emotional regulation. They may find it especially frustrating when they can’t access a desired item or activity right away.
They may not yet have the communication tools to express their needs or the cognitive skills to understand time concepts — making waiting feel intolerable.
That’s why we teach waiting as a skill — just like brushing teeth or tying shoes.
How ABA Teaches Waiting
The ABA approach uses a gradual, step-by-step method with clear reinforcement.
Step 1: Start Small
Begin with very short wait periods — even just 3 to 5 seconds. Reinforce success immediately with praise or access to the desired item.
Step 2: Use Visual and Auditory Supports
Use a timer, countdown visuals, or a waiting song. Show your child what waiting looks like.
Step 3: Label and Praise
Use clear language: “Great job waiting!” or “You waited so nicely!” Reinforcement should be immediate and enthusiastic.
Step 4: Extend the Time
Gradually increase wait time as your child becomes more tolerant. Move from seconds to minutes in small increments.
Step 5: Generalize
Practice waiting in different settings — home, therapy, store, playground — and with different people.
Tools to Help Teach Waiting
Visual timers (sand timers, countdown apps, Time Timer)
“Wait” cards or hand signs
First-Then boards (e.g., “First wait, then playground”)
Waiting bins (special toys or fidgets used only while waiting)
Reinforcement Strategies
Waiting should be consistently paired with something positive. Use tokens, high-fives, or favorite items as a reward.
Over time, you can fade the reinforcement so your child learns to wait more naturally.
Real-Life Example
At snack time, Mateo always reached for food as soon as he saw it. His therapist introduced a “wait” card and practiced holding it for 5 seconds before giving the snack. As Mateo improved, the wait was extended to 30 seconds, then 1 minute. After two weeks, Mateo could sit calmly at the table, hands in lap, until his snack was served.
What to Do When Waiting Leads to a Meltdown
Stay calm and predictable.
Acknowledge the emotion (“I know it’s hard to wait”)
Reduce the wait time temporarily, then build it back up.
Offer a preferred activity during the wait (fidget, book, sensory item).
Final Thoughts
Teaching your child to wait is a gift — one that fosters patience, flexibility, and resilience. It may take time, but with consistency, visual supports, and lots of encouragement, waiting can become part of your child’s toolkit for navigating the world.
